Those Who Smile the Brightest
by Nelinde A
Summary: An AU where more is going on with Phineas than he lets people know. Takes place when he and his friends are all about 16. Themes of depression and suicide.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: This is purely an AU, guys. You know there's that saying about how the saddest people smile the brightest? Well, while I fully believe that the Phineas we know and love smiles so bright because he truly is that happy, I had the sudden urge to see what it would be like if he had depression that he keeps under wraps. And if that has anything to do with why he's so seemingly oblivious to Isabella's affections.**

Isabella sat on her front porch, looking at the house across the street. She didn't know what her friends were doing, but she could see it beginning to take shape, and it was getting bigger and bigger. She knew she couldn't stay there much longer. At some point one of the boys would notice her and ask why she wasn't there with them. And even if they didn't, the urge to go over there was so strong that she was starting to drum her fingers nervously.

Besides, there was something she had to tell them. And she had to do it today. If she put it off any longer they would find out from somebody else, and she wasn't about to let that happen.

She jumped at the sound of her phone ringing. She pulled it out of her pocket and cringed when she saw who it was.

No, not a cringe, of course she wasn't cringing! It was her boyfriend, she was excited about him calling! Obviously!

She held the phone up to her ear and mustered up her perkiest voice as she said, "Hey, Mickey!"

"Hey, Izzy," he said. "I was just checking to see if you were done helping your friends with their…summer school project."

Isabella bit her lip guiltily as she looked at the yet-to-be-disclosed project forming in her neighbors' backyard.

"Nope," she said. "It's still being built. Sorry."

"Hey, no worries," he said. "Maybe we can go out for ice cream tonight. Sound good?"

"Uh-huh," she said, squinting as she tried to see what it was that Buford was attaching. Was that—an upside-down doghouse? She really needed to get over there. "Yeah, yeah we could do that."

"Cool," he said. "See you then."

Izzy hung up and sighed. He was so sweet, and so understanding. She really didn't deserve him. She covered her face with both hands and rubbed her eyes, then peered through her fingers at the backyard again. She had to do it now. Yep. She was going. Right now. She was going to get off this porch. She was going to march over there and tell them. It's not like this was new to any of them. Baljeet had gone on a date with Mishti, Buford had a history with a French girl, and Isabella suspected that Ferb was still into Vanessa. But none of them had actually had a _girlfriend_ before.

And then there was Phineas. Who loved everybody, and was loved by pretty much everyone in return. Was it any wonder that he couldn't pick a favorite? Was it any wonder that he couldn't pick someone out of a crowd who loved him the most, even when that person wasn't in a crowd at all, but was the only girl in his group of closest friends?

"No," Isabella said out loud to herself, which was a habit she'd never broken, even with the incentive of a patch. "No, you're over him, Isabella. You're into someone else, now. He had his chance, and anyway, it was never going to happen."

She pushed open the door of the gate, and couldn't help but feel a little happier at the familiar sight of her friends bustling around the yard, building whatever it was they were building.

"Hey, Phineas," she said, and then immediately corrected herself. "And…and guys, I mean you're all here, it's not just Phineas, obviously." She cleared her throat and started again. "What'cha Doin'?"

"Hi, Isabella!" Phineas said, popping his head up from behind half a giant tube. "We're finally getting around to Croquet Y8."

"Cool!" She swallowed. "Can I help?"

"Sure!" Phineas said. "You can come take Ferb's place, he was just about to run to the attic for his spare fusion torch."

Isabella forced her feet to move over to Phineas' side, where he was sitting on a hastily-fashioned elevator and apparently was creating a very specific shelving system on the inside of the tube. Ferb handed her his hammer, and let her take his spot on the elevator before retreating inside the house.

"What I do not seem to understand is which number will come next," Baljeet said. "Would it be A10? Why would you start the number count at R? Why not just at A?"

"'Cause it doesn't sound as cool, duh!" Buford said.

Isabella felt like she was on autopilot as she hammered the nails exactly where they needed to be. Years of practice had taught her how to do that. She only barely heard Buford and Baljeet's conversation from where she was behind the tube, and just watched Phineas as he carefully sawed a big plank of wood into several smaller pieces, and then drilled into them to carve a series of numbers, which presumably would be part of the game somehow. She began to squirm uncomfortably. It would be easier now, she decided. Telling one person would be easier than telling the whole group, at least at first. Maybe he would even volunteer the information to the rest of them so she wouldn't have to.

She watched him as he picked up a sheet of metal and held it up to the tube, as if positioning it in his mind. "Phineas," she said in barely audible voice. Okay, this was no good, she just had to be brave and say it. "Phineas, there's something I have to tell you."

"Sure, go ahead," he said, squinting as he tilted the plate.

Well, may as well rip the bandage off. "I have a boyfriend," she blurted out.

"You what?" At that moment, several things happened. Baljeet's shriek was heard as Buford creamed him in the shins with his monkey wrench, whether intentionally or not remained a mystery. A car horn honked as the familiar station wagon pulled up on the curb. And a bright orange ray which seemed to come from nowhere and liquefied the half of the project that Buford and Baljeet had been working on, which now seeped into the grass almost instantaneously. But the only thing Isabella noticed was that Phineas dropped the metal plate, which tilted the elevator. She managed to grab the rope and hold on, but Phineas wasn't so lucky. He fell to the ground, too quickly to have time to cry out, with his saw under him and the sheet on top of him. Isabella shrieked in terror, and barely even noticed when a second orange ray liquefied the rest of the project. She fell to the ground as well, unhurt because everything was gone at that point, but she couldn't be sure the same was true of her friend.

"Phineas!" she cried, running to his side. "Phineas!" She rolled him onto his back and gave a slight gasp at what she saw. It wasn't his face, though the sight of him unconscious and bruised was pretty scary in itself. It was his arms and wrists, which had been slashed by falling on top of the saw. She couldn't tell how deep the cuts were, but judging by the amount of blood that had already collected, she knew this wasn't something that couldn't just be patched up at home.

She heard the back door open, and looked up to see Ferb standing there, staring. He fusion torch fell from his hand, but otherwise he remained petrified. His mother and sister, carrying in the groceries from the car, hastily set their bags down and joined him.

"Oh my goodness," Linda cried. "OH my GOODNESS, what happened?! Isabella?"

"He-he fell, I mean, we were building something and he just—the saw—"

"There's nothing here, what were you building?" Linda asked, but Candace steered her around and said, "No time for that Mom, just call 911." Ferb gave one look to Buford and Baljeet and they scampered out of there like frightened rabbits. He then finally managed to drop to his knees by his Phineas' side and examine him, while Candace strode forward, grabbed Isabella by the shoulders, and pulled her away from her brothers.

"I know something was here," she said. "And I know it disappeared when Mom and I got back. Now here's the important thing, kid, did he _fall_ , or did he _jump_?"

"Wh-what?"

"Did he _drop_ the saw or did he _throw_ himself on top of it?"

"Candace, why would—"

"Basically," Candace said. "What I need to know, because you clearly saw it happen, is was it _actually an accident_ or did he _hurt himself on purpose_?"

Isabella realized only now that she was crying, and wondered how long she'd been doing it for. "He fell," she said, in a quavering voice that got stronger as she continued speaking. "He dropped the saw, and yes, it was an accident. Of course it was an accident! Why on earth would he have done that on purpose?"

Candace looked at her for a long time before letting go of her shoulders. "You're right," she said. "He wouldn't have, not in front of you."

"He wouldn't have, period." Isabella said defensively.

Candace looked up and saw the ambulance arrive. "Listen," she said, softening her voice. "Why don't you go home, and I'll call you when we know something. Okay?"

Isabella looked over at Phineas doubtfully. "But…but if he, you know…I mean I just would want to be there if he…if he doesn't…"

"I know," Candace bit her lip and placed a hand on Isabella's cheek. "But they're probably not going to let anyone see him until they have a diagnosis, anyway. Go home, Isabella, I promise I'll call you if something happens."

"O…kay," Isabella said, with a shuddering gasp.

Candace smiled and turned away, then looked back. "Did something make him fall, by the way?"

"Well I…don't know if this is what caused it, but he fell right after I said I had a boyfriend."

Candace looked at her for a moment before nodding. "Hm. Okay, good to know."

"Yeah." At this point Isabella didn't care who knew, or if Candace would have to relay that message to the doctors. She dejectedly walked back towards her house, looking back only once to see Phineas loaded into the ambulance on a stretcher. She immediately regretted looking, and ran the rest of the way, not stopping until she had reached her room and closed the door behind her.


	2. Chapter 2

Isabella sat in room and looked out of her window for what seemed to her a long time, but she glanced at the clock every once in a while and saw that, without fail, she managed to check again about every ten minutes. She thought about calling some of her friends, or watching a movie, or even taking a walk, but she knew that she was just going to be distracted during all of that, and she wanted Candace to be able to reach her as soon as she had news.

Eventually though, Isabella's boyfriend called again. He was seriously the last person she wanted to talk to, but she picked up anyway. "Hi, Mickey."

"Hey!"

Well, judging by his enthusiasm, he certainly was having a better day than she was.

"So, my football practice got moved to that park right by your house, and I was wondering if you wanted to come watch me? Then maybe we could bump up our ice cream date for afterwards."

Ugh, the ice cream date! She'd totally forgotten about that!

"I'm sorry, Mickey," she said. "My friend's in the hospital." She realized her mistake immediately after saying it. A friend being in the hospital was not a reason to cancel a date. It might be sad, or scary even, but if it wasn't a family member there was no reason to not go on with your life.

"Oh," Mickey said, obviously thinking just that. "Who is it?"

"Phineas, Phineas Flynn, the one who—"

"Yeah, I remember Phineas, Izzy," he said, with a note of humor in his voice. "What happened, is he okay?"

"We were building his project, and he had a fall involving a saw and a metal sheet," she said. She paused and said, "I'm still waiting for updates."

"Oh," Mickey said. Amazing how eloquent his "ohs" were. This time it was saying that if she hadn't received an update by now, she probably wasn't a high priority.

"Look," he said. "There's nothing you can do by worrying, okay? Come to my practice. If they call and want you to be there, I'll drive you over myself."

Ugh, he was SO sweet. "Isabella, you're a terrible, ruthless monster," she thought to herself.

But she couldn't agree. "I'm sorry, Mickey," she said. "I'm really, very sorry. But he's…I mean, he's my best friend, and I've known him practically since we were babies. I'm really not in the mood to do anything right now."

There was a pause, and she wondered if she could have made a better choice of words.

"All right," he said. "I'll call you when I'm done and check in on everything."

"Okay," she said. "Thanks for understanding."

She hung up on him before he could say anything else, and held her head in her hands. Some girlfriend SHE was. She knew she was being wrong, she knew she really should have taken Mickey up on his offer, but she also knew she would have been miserable, and would have taken out that misery on a boy who'd never even met the person she was miserable over. But this was normal, right? Phineas pretty much _was_ family to her, so of course she would feel this way about him getting hurt! She'd feel this way about Ferb or Candace too, wouldn't she?

…Wouldn't she?

The phone rang again, and she jumped on it when she saw it was Candace. An hour and a half. Well, an hour and forty minutes. That's how long Isabella had been waiting. "Is he okay?" were the first words out of her mouth.

"Um…" Candace seemed to be unsure of how to answer. "Yeah…I mean, he's still alive, and they're pretty sure he's going to stay that way. He got knocked out pretty badly, though, and I think they're also going to have to stitch up parts of his arms. But actually, they were hoping to be able to talk to you."

"To me?" Isabella asked. "Who, the doctors?"

"Yeah," Candace said, after a brief hesitation. "Yeah, I can put you on with them, if you want."

"No need, I'll be right over," Isabella said. She heard Candace hastily shout their location to her as she hung up, and never before had she driven with so much disregard for safety laws. When she finally arrived, breathless and panting, in front of Candace and Ferb and their parents, she was pretty sure she'd collected about four tickets that the traffic cams had caught.

Candace managed a slight look of amusement. "Well you didn't need to rush over, Isabella."

Isabella was still too much out of breath to reply.

A nurse walked over and said, "Linda and Lawrence, Dr. Hirano would like to speak with you," she said.

Ferb eagerly followed his parents, silently desperate for news, and no one made a move to prevent him. The nurse then turned to Isabella and held out her hand. "Hello, I'm Nurse AJ," she said.

"Isabella."

"Oh, good, because there a just a couple of things I wanted to run by you," the nurse said. "First, Candace tells me that you were with Phineas when he fell. She gave your account, but I'd like to hear it from you, too."

Isabella threw Candace a what-have-you-gotten-me-into look, but she complied, and told the nurse the same story she'd told Candace.

"And he gave no inclination of wanting to harm himself on purpose?" the woman asked.

"No, why does everyone keep thinking that's what happened?" Isabella asked.

The nurse shared a look with Candace before saying, "We just want to rule out that it was an attempted suicide."

"Okay, well you go ahead and rule it out, because I promise it was not that," Isabella said, feeling the defensiveness in her rise as it had when she'd talked to Candace.

"Has he ever gotten hurt in the past while building?" the nurse asked. "Even something minor?"

"N—no, not that I recall."

"Ever expressed any interest in hurting himself before today?" The nurse asked.

"No."

"Has he ever said anything negative towards himself, like it would be better if he weren't born, or he wishes he were dead, or anything like that?"

" _No_."

"Has he ever—"

"Look," Isabella said. "Phineas is the kindest, most positive person I know. He wouldn't hurt a fly, and he most definitely would not want to end his life. There's really nothing more I can tell you, but when somebody wants to tell _me_ what this is about, I'll be over here." She went and sat down in one of the waiting chairs, crossing her arms.

Out of the corner of her eye she could see Candace talking to Nurse AJ, before the nurse left and Candace came to sit down next to Isabella.

"Okay," Candace said. "So technically she shouldn't have asked you those things, because you're not actually family and therefore don't have clearance to our medical history. But I'm making the executive decision to tell you anyway, because I can. Phineas…he's got depression."

Isabella looked at her doubtfully, and Candace continued, "Like, really _bad_ depression, like so much so that Mom and Dad are afraid to send him off to college if Ferb isn't going to be there with him."

Isabella began to feel a tightness in her chest. She didn't know a whole lot about depression, but she knew it was usually connected with suicide, and if Candace and the nurse were so worried about that…

"He's had it for a while now," Candace said, taking Isabella's silence as an invitation to continue. "I don't know when it started, but I think it was around the time…well, let's just say he took our dad's absence pretty hard. He was a super happy kid before that, but when I had to look him in the eye and tell him he was never going to see his father again, he just seemed to take that a lot harder than he should have. He's heart is still as huge as you know it to be, Isabella, and I guess when you break that big of a heart in a three-year-old you get some pretty bad consequences."

Isabella's own heart ached at the thought of that lonely toddler, who couldn't understand why one of his parents was forever missing.

"He cried for weeks," Candace said. "Mom was frantic, especially because he seemed to feel safer with me than with her. At first I thought he blamed her, because he always saw them together and then boom, one of them was gone. But I later realized he was just hurting. He talked to me about it sometimes, and he had nothing but loving sentiments for Mom, but most of the time, again, he'd just come in my room and hug me and cry."

Candace's voice began catching, and Isabella looked at her in surprise. She'd always known Phineas had a deep appreciation for his sister, but she didn't know it was reciprocated this strongly.

"Mom took him to get help, but they said he was probably just grieving. He didn't start to get better until Ferb came into his life." Candace sighed as she said, "Man, was I ever grateful for that weird, silent kid. He and Phineas—they pretty much hit it right off. Ferb seemed to thrive on Phineas' energy, and Phineas pretty much latched himself onto Ferb and never let go. Seriously—once I walked in on Ferb reading a book, and Phineas was climbing all over him. Neither was bothered by the other; they just sort of were there for each other. I don't know, maybe the whole losing a parent thing was just something they could both relate to. I was pretty upset, too, but I guess being older made it easier to cope. Still, I don't think anyone has ever been happier than the three of us when our parents said they were going to get married."

Candace paused for a long while after that, and Isabella finally had to press her to continue. "And after that?"

"And after that," Candace repeated slowly. "He was better. A lot better. We thought he'd gotten over it. Then one night Ferb got my parents up at like three in the morning and said Phineas had been crying ever since he went to bed. They must've been, I don't know, eight at the time? That time the doctors agreed that something was up. He's been getting help ever since, obviously, but even so he still to this day will sometimes cry all night, for absolutely no reason."

Isabella felt tears in her eyes that she knew was going to fall no matter how hard she tried to prevent them. "But he's so happy during the day…" she faltered.

"I know," Candace said. "It's a little strange, actually, but he's still a morning person, and is, most of the time, happier then than at any other part of the day. I think the building thing helps, and he's never broken down in front of anyone except the four of us." She sighed for what must have been the fourth time in their conversation. "And then there's you."

"Me?" Isabella squeaked. "How have I contributed? I've been hinting that I like him for—ever and he's never noticed! Not once!"

"Oh, he noticed," Candace said. "He's always noticed."

Everything up to that point had felt like a shot to the chest for Isabella, but this was a full on nuke. She felt so many emotions in that instant that she couldn't tell them apart, let alone which one dominated.

"He doesn't do so well with guilt," Candace said. "I mean it's…it's bad. He had the flu through my Dad's birthday weekend once, and was so out of it that when he recovered someone had to remind him what he'd missed. He began biting his thumbs so badly that he was drawing blood on a regular basis. One day he forgot to feed Perry, and when he realized what he'd done he began to starve himself. If Ferb hadn't been so on top of him we'd never have noticed."

"Okay…" Isabella said. "But those are more punishments and bad habits, right? Not a desire to end himself?"

"The day he realized you liked him Ferb caught him in the act of writing a suicide note," Candace said flatly.

Isabella felt like she was going to throw up. "But…but why?" she asked. "If he didn't like me back—" the words almost got stuck in her throat— "he could have just told me."

"Technically he's never said whether he does or not," Candace said. "Ferb probably knows. But that's not the point, the point is that you liking him makes him feel guilty, for whatever reason. Every time he's ignored your affections it's been in the hope that you'd lose interest without him actually having to break your heart. I guess the thought of ending himself came from that same desired outcome. Obviously he never went through with it that first time though, and even though he hasn't exactly made another move towards that end, the rest of us have been super paranoid ever since."

Isabella was feeling a lot of guilt on her own at the moment. And then a thought hit her. "So the boyfriend…" she said. "Telling him I had a boyfriend probably triggered him, and I shouldn't have just dropped that on him."

Candace nodded. "If he liked you back, that may have been a reason he'd want to hurt himself," she said. "And I'm not ruling that out…entirely. But considering how long your feelings towards him lasted, it might have simply come out of left field for him, like it could have for anyone. But that's why I was so concerned when I was asking you those questions. You said it was an accident though, and I believe you. I don't think he would try to hurt himself in front of you…in front of anyone, really."

Isabella was silent for a while, letting it all sink in. Candace was wiping her eyes every so often, trying to catch the tears before they fell, but Isabella was now too much in shock to cry.

"I've been hurting him," she said softly. "I caused this."

"No," Candace said, shaking her head. "No. You didn't. I mean you're certainly a contributing factor, but he was like this before he ever met you."

"I just can't believe I didn't know any of this," Isabella said. "And here I thought _he_ was the oblivious one!"

"He does hide it very well," Candace agreed. "It's…a little scary, actually. I think it's because he doesn't want to hurt anyone, but, it makes us wonder what else he might be hiding."

Isabella sat quietly for another long spell. Finally she said in a low voice, "Thank you for telling me."

"Yeah," Candace said, just as softly. "I only wish there was more I knew."


	3. Chapter 3

Eventually, Linda and Lawrence came and sat with the girls, announcing that Phineas was having his arms treated and that it would still take a little while. Ferb could be seen a little ways away…pacing? Isabella had never seen him betray any kind of emotion, and even though his face continued to have that blank stare, the fact that he was pacing showed a lot. But it wasn't long before he got over that and came to sit with his family. But he kept his hands flat on his knees, only looking at them, and not moving otherwise. Candace was sitting with crossed arms, staring off into the distance with red eyes, and her parents were talking in hushed, worried voices about anything other than their son. But Ferb…there was so much bottled up anguish in him that made Isabella almost more afraid for him than for Phineas. If someone so outgoing could hide something this drastic, then how much more could someone who never spoke hide?

Of course Phineas had an almost eerie mind-reading ability for both his silent pet and his silent brother, and he wasn't as oblivious as she'd thought, but still…

When Dr. Hirano finally came out into the waiting room, Isabella felt ready to explode with impatience. "I'm happy to report that Phineas' injuries are superficial," Dr. Hirano said. "He has no brain damage like we feared, and his arm scars won't take long to fade." She paused before adding, "His… _psychological_ health may suffer, but so far we're unable to tell if it will. We can go into details on that later, though. For now, you may go and see him, if you like."

Four concerned people practically leapt to their feet, and Candace turned to Isabella. "You coming?" She asked.

Isabella gave her a quick smile and shook her head. "No, not now. Maybe after you come back."

Candace looked at her with a tiny worried frown, but then nodded and followed her family into Phineas' room. Isabella waited for several minutes, but seeing as how her worried fingers were probably going to rip the hem of the dress she was twisting, she picked up a magazine and began to flip through it. Not seeing a single word, of course. She didn't know how long she'd been staring at the same recipe for butternut squash muffins before her phone rang, startling her.

Okay, _again_? She'd been hearing phones ring her whole life, how come these past few times it had made her jump, as though she'd never heard the sound before?

She brought the phone to her ear, having a pretty good idea of who it was. "Mickey?"

"Izzy! Hey, how's your friend?"

"Oh, he's…he's fine. Superficial injuries, that's all."

"Good, great to hear. Listen, I uh…" Sheepishness crept into his voice, and he seemed embarrassed about what he was going to say next. "I sort of…sprained my ankle at practice."

"Oh no!" It wasn't hard for Isabella to be sorry, seeing as how she was feeling miserable already. "Are you okay?"

"Oh, sure. I'm just lying on the couch, you know, with like a million tiny needles shooting through my foot. Would you come keep me from going insane with boredom?"

Well, Isabella was certainly in a bind now. Because this? _This_ was something to drop everything and run for. _This_ was a reason to come away from whatever else you might be doing. In a contest where two of her closest friends had, as she'd just admitted, "superficial injuries," the one that _should_ win out was her boyfriend. She should be at _his_ side, not Phineas'. In fact, how creepy was it that she was here when none of his other friends were? His whole family was here, and they wouldn't dare leave him until the hospital released him. But her boyfriend was alone, and suffering, and bored, and had asked her to come. There was really only one way to answer him. She only needed to go for an hour or two and watch a movie, and then she could come back and see Phineas.

Poor, depressed Phineas, who knew she'd loved him this entire time…

"I can't," she said, as soon as that last thought crossed her mind. "I…I can't. I'm going to see Phineas in a few minutes, and I…he's going through more than I thought he was, and I just need to make sure he's okay, you know?"

There was a long sigh on the other end, and then an even longer silence. But it didn't sound like it was out of anger or disappointment so much as it was of…resignation.

"Yeah," he said. "That's what I thought you'd say."

Isabella had never experienced so much guilt in her life, and she'd just found out her affections nearly got her best friend killed. "I'm sorry, Mickey, maybe later I could—"

"No," he said, cutting her off. "No, you don't have to make empty gestures, Isabella."

 _Isabella._ That's when she knew she was in trouble.

"Look," he said. "I completely respect the fact that you've got other friends, and you don't want to spend every minute with me. Totally understandable. But when I ask you on a date, to come watch my practice, and to come see me when I'm bedridden and you refuse all three times because of the same friend? It makes one start to put two and two together."

"Mickey, you don't understand, he—"

"I know how close you are to Phineas," Mickey continued. "I know because you talk about him _all_ the _time_. What I didn't know was that him getting hurt would cause you to throw everything else in your life out the window. So just answer me this. Does he like you back?"

"Wh-what?"

"I'm not stupid, Isabella. I can tell you like him. And that's okay. You guys have a bond that goes way back, and I'm someone you just met. Just tell me if he likes you back."

"Mickey are you—are you breaking up with me?"

"Yeah." There was a note of sadness in his voice, but still not one of anger. "Yeah, I am."

Isabella closed her eyes and leaned her head on her fist. Stupid, _stupid_ …

"It's for the best, really, it is. And I'm not mad, because if your heart is somewhere else, than all I want is for you to be there. But if he doesn't like you back, let him know I'm going to come and give him a pummeling. You know…" here some humor crept back into his tone, "As soon as I can walk and stuff."

For the first time in their relationship, Isabella felt a surge of love towards him. "I'm sorry, Mickey," she said. "I'm so, so sorry."

"It's okay, Izzy." She'd never been so relieved to hear that name. "I know you tried."

"Thank you," she said feelingly. "Thank you, thank you."

"Yeah," he replied. "Now, go sit by that poor injured boy's bedside, like I know you're dying to. I'll see you around."

"Goodbye Mickey," Isabella said, and when she hung up she felt a huge weight off her chest. And also a generous portion of guilt, because she knew Mickey was an angel she never should have given hope to. But now he could go out and find a girl he truly deserved. She sighed with relief.

She did have to wait for a time to see Phineas, because Candace and her parents came out of the room before Ferb did. But Isabella was perfectly content to wait for Ferb to finish, considering he was probably the main factor in Phineas still being alive right now. That didn't prevent her from almost running to his door when she was permitted, however. She did hesitate slightly before opening the door, but that was because this was the first time she'd stopped to consider what she might find when she did. But she mustered up her courage, took a deep breath, and walked in.

No matter how many times she visited someone's hospital bedside, it was always jarring to see all the wires that were attached to them. Seeing the Frankenstein-esque stitches on his arms and giant bruise over his left eyebrow didn't help, either. Nevertheless, he greeted her with his big, friendly, signature smile that she felt no day was complete without seeing. But it only made her hurt more, because now she knew…she knew it wasn't real.

"Hi Isabella!" he said. "Don't look so worried, I'm fine, see?" But when her worried look persisted, his smile suddenly fell. The change was so sudden and drastic that Isabella almost burst into tears at the sight. "You know," he said. "Don't you? Who told you?"

"Candace," Isabella whispered.

Phineas nodded and looked down.

"You could have told me," Isabella said. "You could have told _me,_ Phineas, I would have understood! I wouldn't have…judged you or thought less of you or anything stupid like that!"

"No, I know you wouldn't have," he answered quietly. "Your heart's too big for that. I just thought you'd be…I don't know… _scared_ of me, or…or treat me differently, maybe without even knowing it, because you'd be afraid of triggering me or something."

"Well," Isabella said slowly. "Well maybe I would have…at first. But probably your family did too at first, right? And then they got used to it, and just treated you like normal."

"I guess," Phineas sighed. "It was stupid, I know. You're my best friend, you deserved to know. I just thought I could fight it, you know? I don't feel it every minute, and building things really helps. Takes my mind off the bad feelings…that's why I do it as often as I can, and have a nervous wreck if I can't."

"Why'd you write a suicide note?" she asked softly.

Phineas looked up. "Wow, Candace really told you everything, didn't she?" Isabella nodded, and Phineas looked back down and said hesitantly, "I don't know…I don't even know if I would have gone through with the suicide. Mostly I just wanted to have it on hand…to see what it looked like on paper…to know what someone going through with it actually felt like…"

Isabella knew the next question she wanted to ask, but it was a very big question, and she was terrified of hearing the answer. "But why the contemplation of suicide in the first place?"

Phineas' head jerked back up, and he looked straight at her. "You know that, too," he said. "Because I've always known, Isabella. I've always known you, you know, had a crush on me."

"But _why_ would that be reason for—"

"Because a person like me can never be in a relationship!" Phineas burst out.

Isabella stared at him in shock. Really, _that_ was the reason? Out of all the guesses she'd come up with in her head, _that_ one had never factored in at all. She opened her mouth, but then decided against talking and decided to just wait for him to continue.

"What I have," Phineas said slowly, after thinking it through very carefully, "Is a disability just as much as being blind or having to sit in a wheelchair your whole life. Picture this, Isabella. I ask you to be my girlfriend. We start dating. Then a party comes up that you're desperately looking forward to, and I cancel the night of because I'm having, well, a scene. Or, I call you in the middle of the night and just cry for four hours. Or, I feel like college isn't worth the effort and so I just lie in bed all day until I'm forced to work at Slushy Burger for the rest of my life. Or, I'm faced with a bottleful of pills and decide to just take the whole darn bottle and die so I don't have to deal with life anymore. Don't you _see_ , Isabella, that me being a boyfriend causes all kinds of heartache and sorrow during life, and then even more if and when I decide to end it?"

Isabella had been doing pretty well for most of the day, but now she sat down in a chair and began sobbing hysterically. Oh, _oh_ the thought that _Phineas_ was feeling worthless…that he was trying to spare _her_ …that thousands of people had this feeling that if they just could end it all it would be so much better for everyone else…how could _anyone_ feel like that? _Especially_ him?

Phineas waited until she'd calmed down, which she did after realizing this was exactly the reason he felt guilty about his condition. Because it hurt her like this.

"And why couldn't I just tell you I wasn't interested, Isabella Garcia-Shapiro? Because I _was_ , of course! You think I haven't had a thing for you ever since I met you? You think it hasn't killed me every time I've had to pretend not to notice your affections? You think I could just _lie_ and say I didn't care about you?"

" _Oh!"_ Isabella had waited her entire life to hear those words, and now that she had it started her off on another sobbing spree. She stood frozen for a minute before rushing to Phineas and throwing her arms around him. "Oh _Phineas!"_

Phineas wrapped his arms around her in return, and held her so close that she knew it must be true, he had been waiting as long as she had for that feeling. It felt _so_ right, and she wanted to stay there forever, but even as she buried her face in his shoulder she knew that he was still injured, and who knew what other bruises the hospital gown was hiding. So with an effort, she pulled herself away, and frantically tried to dry her eyes with the heel of her hand.

"So," Phineas concluded, with a wry smile, "I have to admit, that whole thing about you having a boyfriend caught me off guard a little bit. Scared the heck out of my family I guess, because the doctors kept pestering me with questions about whether I fell on the saw on purpose. But I knew it would happen. And I'm glad it's happened. Relieves my guilt, anyway, and you deserve someone to make you happy."

"Oh!" And here Isabella had to laugh at herself a little nervously. Had she really forgotten about Mickey in such a short amount of time? "Oh, he broke up with me."

"What?" Phineas sat up so quickly that he winced at the sudden pain. "Oh, Isabella, I'm so sorry!"

"Oh, don't be," Isabella said cheerfully. "He said he knew my heart was elsewhere, and I kept denying it to myself as well as him, but, he was right." She sighed. "He was an absolute saint, and I was a complete demon for leading him on the way I did when I _knew_ deep down I've always loved you and always will. Besides, his pet name for me was Izzy."

Phineas blinked. "But you don't like being called Izzy," he said, and Isabella giggled.

"Well I don't _hate_ it," she said. "I just wish he didn't do it."

Phineas tried not to smile, but was unsuccessful. "So I guess all this was for nothing, huh?"

"I'm SO sorry for startling you off that elevator," Isabella gasped. "I was terrified of telling you, and I thought blurting it out would make it easier. Yeah, I was wrong."

"It's okay." Phineas shrugged. "I shouldn't have reacted that strongly. THAT had nothing to do with depression!"

"Soooo," Isabella ventured nervously. "Does this mean we can start going out and stuff?"

Phineas gave her a worried look. "No?" he said, as if it were a question. "All those concerns are still there, you know. I'm going to be a problem, causing nothing but pain for you. I already do that enough to my family, I don't want to do it to someone who—"

Isabella bent over and briefly kissed him. "I'm willing to put up with monsters for the sake of an angel," she said gently.

Phineas looked up at her in a way he never had before. "I'm not getting released until tomorrow morning," he said, feebly trying to come up with an excuse.

Isabella grinned. "And then?"

"…We'll see."

But Isabella knew by the smile he gave her that he'd already made up his mind.

 **The End**

 **A/N: Sooo yeah, I don't know why I did this. Again, this is NOT at ALL how I think Phineas really is, but I've been going through some of this stuff lately, and well, the Phineas and Ferb characters are some of the ones I know the best, so that's why I wrote my story through them.**


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